Confessions, Dreams, and Goals

Okay, friends. Confession time: I don’t have it all together. I don’t know how to navigate the crazy.

I’m not sure it’s a confession, since it is probably obvious. Let’s strip away the titles or roles I carry: Mother. Story coach. Story sister. Spiritual paralytic on the mat. I am all of these things all at once. Helper, companion, helpless. But mostly, I’m just another human, and I find myself unmoored in my sea of humanness.

I have taken stock of my identity, and how I define myself. I have succumbed to some pressures of needing to appear wise (or not appear at all.) And today, I am remembering authenticity. I am remembering it’s okay to be needy. I’m laying this all at your feet because we walk alongside one another; through physical, emotional, mental, financial challenges. All of which I’m experiencing today. Are you with me? When fear, disgust, denial, ambivalence, distraction, disintegration, and scarcity are opening tabs on our windows, how do we respond? When life is crashing and slashing at us, how do we continue to stand?

It was my privilege to lead a write-in yesterday in Story Sessions Community. I shared an exercise and prompt as a way to help us narrow our focus on what's important to our callings. It's a good exercise, and I'd recommend it as a monthly practice for taking stock of how your are living your vision and chosen purpose.

"What web pages are currently open tabs on your window? Take a good look at them. Do they align with your needs today or are they distracting you from your goals? Write about what your needs and goals are, and what you need to say 'not right now' to."

Here is my response: "What do I need? I need love. I need space. I need community.

I had a tab open about current issues in the church today. But I don’t need to rant about how the church is not what it used to be. Please hear me: That IS someone’s job, and it is important, but it is not my job today.

I do need authentic community, and to be a participant of one. My goal is to live authentically and reach out to others to do the same. My goal is to help each one of us grow and take up our space, freely. My goal is to combat resistance, eradicate shame, and bring to the spotlight the power of true and lasting love.

So I need to say “not right now” to allowing myself to get anxious over current affairs. I need to say “not right now” to discovering whether a survey thinks I should be "Buttercup" or "Miracle Max."

I need to say “not right now” to looking at other people’s successes and thinking “that should be me.” I need to celebrate and know that my work is not in vain for lack of recognition. It is still my work, my calling, and the thing that enriches my life."

I am sure much could be added, and I will continue the practice of zooming in on my goals. I hope you, dear reader, will do the same.

Much love,

Jamie