Putting The Soul's Needs First
I don't know if works-based living is a cultural malady or a religious malady, but whatever you decide, I must tell you it is a personal malady. I am the girl who wants the whole list so I can check off the whole list by lunch. Give me assignments and I will get them done. I made sure I was done with high school at 16. I've been the good-helper girl ever since, even now that I know it has a lot of nasty side effects. Somebody has to fix this mess!
I was so good at doing good. See a need, fill a need, right? I should have read the fine print about weariness. I should have used a magnifier to see the tiny message about chronic pain and fatigue, depression and anxiety. While I was busy doing good, and more good - being the best at doing all the good- my soul grew so thin. So very thin.
I once knew a child who was delighted with life and the biggest enthusiast of everyone's dreams, especially her own. Oh, yes, that was me. Skipping, laughing, curly-headed, sparkly-eyed, completely trusting in goodness, me. I know she's still real, and my search for happiness is a search to find her again. I want her to teach me once more all the tricks of the trade: this mysterious and beautiful job of being happy. Because it was about already being, not somehow becoming. And that is my best clue.
I'm in the business of putting my soul's needs first, now. So I've made a marvelous Soul's To-Do list, (a longer version than the media art I posted earlier,) which I will share with you soon. I just have to make it perfect first. (Kidding! I'm just too tired to copy the words out of my journal now.)
Much love and a peaceful night to you all.