Let Life Be Beautiful
Let life be beautiful.
It really is all about that: The beauty. Letting life be beautiful. Even when it is crushingly complex. It is that for me. Homeschooling. Special needs. Spiritual hunger and thirst. Providing for my family. Head above water on a low income. Resourcefulness as a necessity. Keeping my soul intact while dividing my attention three ways at the very least.
I've got to face it: there is no getting around the fact that life and motherhood in my present reality is packed with endless things to do. There are times this fact distracts me enough to fool me into thinking it is all there is and all I get to be: I am trapped in the rubble of urgent tasks; buried alive under the tedium. Stumbling through the desert. Seared and shriveled by a thousand griefs only understood by my Maker.
It's a story I tell myself, but the story isn't all the way true. It's only one side of a way to look at things. I can gaze upon this calling as a duty to be served, or a god to be served, or a sentence to be served, or I can remember that I chose this for a purpose that came from deep within my own heart and not anyone else's idea of who I should be. I did not really know what I was getting into, but really, that's what it means to be free. Free to choose no matter the outcome. And I need freedom like I need air to breathe.
I need freedom, even if the desert story is true. Even if I am stumbling. Even if I am forever ruined by the blistering sun. Freedom allows me to create my own oases. Freedom says I don't have to accept the mirage handed to me from the fearful voices, the insecure voices, and any other voices that try to control my path. I can drink from the deep well of beauty whenever my being thirsts.
The being - who and what I am; my essence -is more than the sum of my doing. It is hard to be, when called to do so much. It is hard to set down the weight of my world in order to reach for water and shade, beauty and rest. It is hard, but it is the truest state of worship for me- to cease the striving. To pause and gather my thoughts into gratitude. To weave them into a covering of prayer.
I build my sanctuary from bits and pieces of beauty collected throughout the day. The glory infused in this God-breathed world is what keeps me moving toward life and more life and life to the fullest. The scattered fragments of joy I've gleaned from brief moments when kairos time settled upon my soul are my offering of praise back toward Creator. It's all I have, this incense of need. May I be given the daily grace to see it, and believe it is enough. I hope I never stop seeking beauty.
Linking up with Esther Emery for #wholemama. Join us for week 10! Our prompt is beauty.