When Blogging Was My Saving Grace

Once upon a time, in the beginning 2013, I started blogging.

I knew I was late to the game. I had heard plenty of bloggers-don't-play kind of talk if they wanted to seriously amount to somebody. There were plenty of writers out there declaring blogging was already dead, too. I'd venture to say all the opinions that ever opined were already floating around the cyber universe, but I should probably Google that first.

I didn't care. I started blogging because it opened me up to a new world. It grew my heart bigger. It opened my eyes wider. It gave me a medium for creativity. It gave me connection with other people trying to sort out their worlds through words. I was the most free I had been in a long time when I began to write publicly. I tend to get locked up tight inside myself, ruminating on how my life could go better, and the blog was an important key to getting myself out of my own head. Blogging was my saving grace.

I remember my beginnings fondly, but I hardly know the me I was then anymore. I'm not here to say I'm going to quit. I am not going to quit. I have said "I quit" and then not quit so often in the past few years to my friends and family and peers that I'm starting to bless-her-heart myself before they have a chance whenever I begin to talk of such things again. I get too curious about what would happen if I didn't quit, so I stick around. It's my story and I can do-or-die if I want to. (When do I not?)

So, this is not an exit post. It's a unit of measurement post. It's that line on the door frame that says how much I've grown. I am here to say I'm going to change. A lot. I have already changed a lot. If I want to grow I have to be willing to adapt to my ever-expanding landscape. I might make this mistake again, that not-changing equals stability, so I'm here to ask you to remind me that it doesn't have to. I'm asking you to remember that growing means living, and to tell me when I forget. Say it to me over and over. Growing means living.

Blogging is not my saving grace anymore, but it is still grace. It is still a thing that I love and approach with purpose. It is still a part of my story. And I've noticed it's not just my story. It's the story of so many people, especially women, whom I know.

So whether our idea of it lives or dies or just quietly evolves into something else, we will continue to find life through our resourcefulness. We will continue connecting through our beautiful, living stories by the means available to us. And maybe we will realize that our blogging identities don't have to amount to anything more than who we already are, and that is more than enough. It is all grace.

Jamie Bagley