Hey you, it's me, but also not me. I have changed, and I bet you have, too. My hopes are that we've all traveled a bit closer to our essence, and embraced new beautiful truths about ourselves.
That story of flying too close to the sun? Have you ever wondered if it was told to scare us off from being our true selves? What would happen if we surrendered to the swirling vortex beneath our aspirations? What would happen if we all stopped accepting the feathers and wax we were handed and instead grew our own true wings? Who's to say Icarus didn't rise from the depths while no one was looking and make his home among the stars?
That is what I have set out to do: to be my best and brightest self even if it doesn't fit the mold. Even if it defies the narrative. Why not write the story we want to live?
While in my therapist's lounge at the beginning of summer waiting for my turn, I read an article in Psychology Today about the positive effects of rewriting your life story. It inspired me to take a deeper look about the story I have been telling myself, and how true it was. I decided to write the story I want to live and begin living into that narrative: permission to reinvent as necessary. It only sounds like nonsense until you try it and it works. ;)
My thoughts are nonsense all too often these days. I have learned to sit and be with the nonsense until the gem of knowing is revealed beneath the imperfections of my tongue. One might call that poetry. Or music. Or we could just call it being a participant in the mystery and beauty of a shared love of language and sound.
Summertime was its own swirling vortex for me. I was swallowed up in loving my family well, taking care of body and soul, soaking up new information along with the sunlight, and being with my people as much as I could. I barely made it to the library and I can barely tell you the name of a single book I finished. The nonsense here is I may have finished a few, but I am having a tough time remembering. Oh! "salt" by nayyirah waheed. If I had read nothing else this summer it would not have mattered anyway because that book! It will wreck you and heal you and stir you and take you on countless marvelous journeys in a short space of time. I could weep it was so moving and passionate.
Back to business, which is funny, because I am kind of out of business. Not exactly, but for the first time, my three children are all in school all day. I am grieving and regrouping. I realized the notion of celebrating and doing all the things I've been waiting so long to do were mental exercises I'd engage in to cope with loss. I really miss my kids! I am THAT mom. Sorry to disappoint. They have been my whole world and all the time in it for more than a decade, so I'm going to need some time to adjust. (<cough> understatement! <cough>) Bear with me, lovely and patient friends!
Most notable among my summer journey is probably that I got my hair dyed blue. I've taken so long to tell you that it's starting to fade into purple, but blue was the intent. Blue like water, blue like fire, the two elements roaring within me most strongly. I've kept the fire low, let the water win, but there's a dragon inside who wants to get out and it's time to fight my way toward that truth. I think Richard Rohr refers to this as "second half of life" transformation (which doesn't necessarily mean mine is half over- it's more a spiritual concept in my limited understanding.) I expect to read more about this soon since I have just checked out Falling Upward from the library. Tell me, have you read it? Was it helpful to you? Please share!!!
I apologize for the two month blog hiccup without explanation, gracious readers! I am slowing fumbling my way toward a routine again, and I am ready and willing to be surprised and delighted by life. I anticipate a season of abundance and beauty in the approaching autumn, and I bid you good cheer for the month of September. (September already! Gasp!) Wishing you all the happiness you can discover out of each moment as you journey through the next 30 days and beyond. Thanks for walking alongside me!